The art of counting what matters
Path friends,
The other day I had a long conversation with a friend from long, long ago. She knows me from university - almost 30 years ago! As someone who lived most of my life nomadically across all continents, I can't tell you how much I value people I've known since I was a teenager, before I'd ever left home. It's like they captured some of my essence from way back then. Connecting with that feels so grounding and gives me such helpful perspective on who I am now.
She reminded me how, at the end of my 6-year Psychology degree, I told her my dream was to work part-time forever. I didn't have the full vision yet, but this would soon evolve into what seemed like a bizarre lifestyle for the early 2000s world we were entering. My version of 'part-time' became working half-time for 6 months in whatever world city called to me, then leaving to roam freely for 12 to 18 months. And repeat.
These weren't just indulgent escapes. I'd be deep into spiritual studies, exploring a new corner of the world, writing about dreams that felt urgent to turn real. I'd connect with people from the spaciousness of having no deadlines, or volunteer in projects that moved me, read books as if they were air I needed to live, or I'd be creating something I felt passionate about. This kind of spaciousness created the most unexpected magic.
Like the time I lived in northern Iceland for 6 months, working on a drug abuse prevention project that required just 16 hours a month - yes, per month! That's 4 hours a week. It was pure joy: when I wasn‘t there I’d be connecting with nature, hugging friends, journaling by the ocean, or helping where I could help. One day I borrowed a car and drove to the neighboring peninsula. I wandered into a local secondary school and met some of the students. Because of my spacious lifestyle, that afternoon I proposed to the kids: 'Want to co-write a script for a short film?' Their eyes lit up. I had a boyfriend at the time who was a video artist, and later we flew him in to film everything, edit it, make it real. And so we did - we created a beautiful short film out of free time.
I’m often asked how I could live like that - and that’s a bigger question than what I want to address now. What I’m thinking about specifically today is just one part of that answer, and it’s the fact that I crafted my own life metrics, and that supported me in doing the things I really wanted to do.
Your Unique Life Metrics - what you choose to count in a life you actually love living.
You may say “I’m not interested in metrics and measurements” but the thing is… even when we’re not consciously thinking about it, we’re still doing it. The question is: are you measuring what actually matters to you, or what someone else says should matter?
I always felt it was pointless to measure things that meant nothing to me. For example, the metric of how much money I earned per month. Salary increases, job titles, social status, possessions, how full my calendar is, number of social media followers. You know… those!
What really mattered to me? Traveling, exploring, getting to know more of the world and more of myself, expanding, meeting people from as many cultures as possible, falling in love with people and mountains and foods of the world. So I counted that. I counted countries, and how much time I spent in them, how much of the year I’d be on the road for, how many books I read, how many languages I learned.
I also counted how many strangers turned to friends, how many times I'd fall in love, how many moments took my breath away, how many mountains I climbed, how many times I'd felt completely alive.
And very early on in my traveling days, I had two very specific things that I counted: in how many languages could I say the name of Donald duck’s nephews in (I still remember when I learned them in Norwegian - Ole, Dole, Doffen!) & in how many languages I knew how to say the icecream brand Wall’s (Olá in Portuguese).
At some point I started to measure how grateful I felt. How much of what I learned I was sharing. At the end of each year, how content did I feel with how I was organizing my months? How much spiritual growth did I feel?
Over the years, my questions became more and more nuanced: How often was I truly present vs. just going through the motions? How much did I honor my creative force, instead of blocking it? How deeply was I connecting with people vs. just superficial? How much love did I feel and express? How alive did I feel in my day to day? How well was I nourishing my body? Was I living out my values or just talking about them? How much was I trusting Life's guidance vs. forcing my own agenda?
Essential to this practice was my yearly review - I'd look at what was working and what wasn't, and then adjust accordingly. It was so fun! (Can you tell I'm a Virgo rising?! Optimizing life with a smile.) Through these reviews, I watched my metrics transform and evolve over time - a reflection of how I’d changed.
For example, 20 years ago I had the metric “How many new countries did I visit?”, and now I measure “How balanced does travel time/home time feel?"
What makes me really happy is that when I look back on life, I feel I’ve always been assessing metrics that reflect my own values. Those values change with the passage of time, and I naturally adjust the metrics to match that transformation. That simple system has been working beautifully for me, and that’s why I wanted to share it with you.
I must note that what precedes this system of mine, is the ability to say NO to metrics that want to infiltrate and guide your life, trying to gain space & weight - if you don’t say No to those, you could end up living to get higher scores on metrics that are meaningless to you. That would be a life that makes someone else happy or proud. Uttering that No isn't always easy, but it is so worthwhile.
So here's a little invitation, if you feel like exploring:
The values that matter most to me right now are…
Ways in which those values are reflected in my life are…
Metrics I'm currently tracking (or worrying about) that don't actually serve me are… (Salary comparisons? Social media numbers? How busy I appear? What meaningless measurements am I letting run my life?)
My unique life metrics - what I want to start counting - are... (Think beyond the obvious! What would measuring "deep conversations per month" or "moments of presence" tell you about your life?)
Taking an honest look, here's where I am with each of these right now...
I'm committing to check back in with myself on _____ (month) _____ (year) to see how I'm doing and adjust what needs adjusting.
Remember: There are no wrong answers here. The goal isn't to create more pressure, but to give yourself permission to count what actually matters to YOU.
Doesn't it feel fresh and spacious to measure what makes your soul come alive instead of what you think makes your life look good to others? When you start counting what actually matters to you, that wild creative force gets so much more room to breathe. It's not about achieving more, but simply paying attention to what truly matters to you—and giving it space to expand.
What you choose to count shapes how you choose to live. Happy measuring, Path friends.
What a joy to walk with you,
Rita
